Should I tell her she can go?

I'm often asked this question. I once witnessed a situation where a loving spouse said with great tenderness, "You can go." The end-of-life spouse's reaction was so sad, she thought at the time that her partner had had enough of seeing her like this.

Since that day, I've been very careful about how I use that phrase. This very sad situation also got me thinking about the subject. Isn't telling a loved one that they can leave, that they can let go, like giving them permission? I've come to believe that the intention in using this type of phrase is to reassure the dying person. So I now opt for the expression of an "I" message to reassure the other person. For example: "I'm fine, I'll get through this, even if I'm in a lot of pain" or "Mom, you're going to die and it's as if a part of me is dying. On the other hand, you can hear us, we're reminiscing about our childhood and youth. Mom, you'll always be alive in our memories. Thank you for everything you've passed on to us."

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Suggested website: http://palli-science.com
Suggested reading: La mort intime by Marie de Hennezel, 2006

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