Should I tell her that she can leave?

This question is often asked of me. I have already witnessed a situation where the loving spouse said with great tenderness: «You can leave.» The reaction of the spouse at the end of her life was so sad that at that moment she believed that her spouse had had enough of seeing her like that.

Since that day, I have been very careful in my use of this phrase. This situation of great sadness has also led me to reflect on the subject. Telling a loved one that they can leave, let go, is not like giving them permission? I came to the idea that the intention behind using this type of phrase is to reassure the dying person. Therefore, I now opt for the expression of a reassuring «I» message to the other person. For example: «I’m fine, I’ll get through this, even though I’m in a lot of pain» or «Mom, you’re going to die and it’s as if a part of me is fading away. On the other hand, you can still hear us; we reminisce about many childhood and youth memories. Mom, you’ll always be alive in our memory. Thank you for all that you have given us.»

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Suggestion website: http://palli-science.com
Suggested reading: The intimate death of Marie de Hennezel, 2006

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